I know everyone lacks self-esteem at some point. After that girl dumps you. When you get curved by a girl in the club. Or when you had those pimples back in high school. Everyone has that one thing that fucks with their self-esteem. That is everyone else.
Then there is people like me. Even in our best of days, we lack the confidence to lift a spoon to our mouths properly. But we end up with that girl even above normal people dream of being with. And there is this girl that likes me. Way above my league, I wonder what she sees in me.
Every morning she calls me. She sulks when I don’t pick up. She calls my voice sexy. My basic body turns her on, and she calls my nudes electrifying. Oh boy! My WhatsApp gets no rest from her. And you should see her! She is not the type you’d expect someone like me would end up with. Somebody please tell me something I don’t know, because there is so many questions I need answers to.
Did some asshole break her heart? Because he did me a huge favour. Now she can look at men like me and smile! Maybe she got hurt by the perfect man and decided a basic man would give her more security. Maybe he didn’t appreciate her the way she wanted. Maybe he was perfect just as she is perfect, and she had nobody to remind her how perfect she was. Now I constantly remind her of how perfect she is.
Did some fuckboy cheat on her? Because he did me a solid. Now she knows the faithful aren’t the good looking. Why would a man bother being faithful when he has so many birds chirping in his ear? We can never resist that kind of attention for too long. So she came to me. The man who rarely has anybody looking up his pants, so he holds on tooth and nail to anything that comes his way.
Did some rich fuck use her? Because I owe him one. He made her realise money is not everything. Although I am hard pressed every day to get her the very best which I can barely afford, she appreciates a whole lot more and understands that I get broke. Although I resent him for setting the bar so high, I still owe him one because every day I get to wake up next to a woman so beautiful even my dreams could not comprehend.
Is she craving for a different experience? Thank you to her for walking on my side of town. People like her don’t just walk up to people like me. There is no love at first sight in the streets of where I come from. People like me have no perfect love stories. People from my side of the world die of longing and not of passion. We fornicate with our imaginations and never with our loins. All the beautiful women we see are walking magazine posters, they exist for us to hang on the walls of our imaginations.
People like me don’t get people like her, not in a million years! But I have her. And I fail to sleep every night. Even dreaming about her seems far-fetched. So I do not sleep, because my reality is more beautiful than my dreams. I stare at her while she sleeps, I’m past admiring her beauty at this point. I just stare at her and wonder how the hell I got her.
What has she gone through that a person with self-love can never tolerate. Because I refuse to accept she just like me for me.